Henry Johnstone, Sydney - Australia - on 28/9/12
Ever heard of a DJ by the name of Lady Starlight? No, neither have we, though apparently she's one of Lady Gaga's mates from back in the day, who the pop star has dragged along to ride wave of pop fame with her.
In a recent feature with Drowned In Sound, Starlight - who spins hard rock and heavy metal (how do you even mix that?) - has shared her "10 Ways To Fail As A Mainstream DJ," based on her real life disasters as a DJ. We would have thought that being a heavy metal DJ is just a fail in general, though perhaps that's her point? In any case, you can check out her list below.
1) Start with an awkward transition away from the genre of music the previous DJ is playing, especially if the crowd is really digging it.
2) Increase the chances of technical difficulites by spinning original vinyl.
3) Consider taking poor care of your vinyl records to ensure skips and pops.
4) Definitely go heavy on the low end to get some annoying feedback. And maybe fiddle with the ground wire if you need to really pump it up.
5) Make sure several selected tracks have a long downtempo section, like Whitesnake 'In the Still of the Night' and Zeppelin's 'Whole lot of Love'.
6) Include at least one Rush track. Possibly more if the first one doesn't go down poorly enough.
7) Vary tempos so the crowd have plenty of opportunities to sit down.
8) Seek an agent who is solely motivated by money to create more opportunities for bookings in inappropriate venues.
9) Be a heavy metal/rock DJ who often get booked because of his/her major pop star best friend. Thus, creating an expectation of dance music that results in maximum crowd dissatisfaction.
10) If, for some reason, people start to catch on to what you are doing, make sure to move onto something else before it becomes profitable.
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