Art Department: How Not To Submit A Demo

At No.19 Music we receive several demos form artists on a daily basis. Some are interesting, some are difficult to translate, and some..... are this. The following is a demo submission email from a young artist who shall remain nameless. The subsequent reply is from another label that was cc'd in the original email. Enjoy.

Hello ;

I'm _________. I want to be a rockstar. I am sending you my attendance to this audio. they are not exactly certain sounds but this much is my. I love to rock. I've been singing in English, not Turkish I've been singing since I was in English because 8. I trained myself to say, and in this way karaoke. I did not receive music education. I wrote more than 20 have their own song. 2 albums have the song. I am ready to do everything in my power to be a very big target. Since my childhood dream that one. I was born in _________ and size for 1.70.9. going to class. I'd really like to listen to their good-naturedly came to Istanbul. you know my voice like these records. I would like to own my voice to listen to it.I would like to come to my school to listen to me too.I know very little good in English. If you want to come, so if you need to have someone who knows Turkish.writes the following school address.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

THE REPLY:

Thank you for your email. I'm very glad that you wrote us, because here at the Music Industry we were lately wondering, what we should do? You know, after Adele and Rhianna have started to become less and less popular and with MJ being dead now (say what you want, but all of that kiddy fiddling made us BILLIONS!!), it's not so easy to make money with music anymore! One would say now "What about the classics? Like the Bee Gees! Or The Beatles? Whitney? Or at least the Cheeky Girls? There must be money in that?!", but unfortunately, it's not as easy as that anymore.

We were about to cancel the Music Business as a whole, but luckily we forgot you: The spamming little shit! We rejoiced and called the pressing plants. Everything that you sent us will be pressed instantly and go on air play. I just ordered myself a new Bentley and a ton of cocaine for you - you should begin the rock star life as soon as possible from this first moment on.

Please find attached your contract, just sign it with your blood and we're good to go!

Kind regards
____________ (on behalf of all record labels in the world).

PS: Never write us again, or I'll release the dogs.

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